Yes, I've been black - but when I come back, you'll know-know-know.
Instead of jumping into more 'serious' posts right out of the gate, let's have a buffer of more lighthearted material - shall we?
Q: How do you make a six-year-old girl cry twice?
A: Fuck her in the ass, then wipe your dick on her teddy bear.
Q: What's the difference between a politician and a bag of shit?
A: The bag.
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A few weeks ago, there was a cruise ship that experienced near-total engine failure while it was heading from Miami, Florida to Kingston, Jamaica. The ship was stalled for the night, sitting in the Bermuda triangle - a fact which the captain and his crew were very wary of informing the passengers about. In fact, they managed to keep the fact that the ship had not moved on engine power for around eighteen hours to themselves, by just keeping the lone working engine on low power - even though any single engine couldn't dream of moving the heavy ship, even on full power.
All night, a very windy storm threw waves into the ship's hull, subtly pushing it off course - and by the time the repairs had been completed in the morning, they found the ship's equipment telling them that they were now turned to face nearly the opposite direction. After calculating the time that would be lost in turning back around and heading in the proper direction, the decision was made to dock at the nearest available port - in the Cayman Islands.
As the ship sailed, the storm continued - and after being hit by a series of particularly heavy waves, the ship's engines again failed. The storm continued, and the crew did their best to keep the ship on course, but due to the storm and their remote location - their navigation and communications equipment, which was never working properly - had completely failed.
The ship ended up tipping over, and sat laying on its side just off the coast of one of the unclaimed islands just east of the Caymans. Three passengers - two men and one woman - managed to swim to the nearest shore. They quickly discovered that while their cell phones had absolutely no chance of working, there was a plentiful amount of food - and even a small freshwater oasis not far from the shore. They made a shelter, and began searching for other people on the island.
A few years passed, and not once did they come into contact with any other human life. The unanimous conclusion was finally reached that they would likely never be found, so they decided to try and forget their past lives and just do what felt natural.
Well, after a few years of having either (or both) of the men at her whim, the woman began to feel guilty about what she had done. She felt that although they had been faced with an incredible tragedy, there was no excuse in abandoning her morals - and just letting herself be used for casual sex all the time. So she decided to put an end to it, and committed suicide. Of course this was very hard for the two men to take. But they banded together and reached the decision that they had been through a lot worse, and that surely they could make it through this.
After awhile nature once more took its inevitable course, and not even six months had passed by and the two men began to feel that they understood how absolutely horrible the woman must have felt about what she had been doing.
So they buried her.
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A guy walks into a whorehouse and tells one of the girls he wants a blowjob. The girl takes him to a room and proceeds suck him off without a condom. While she does so, the guy sees a half-full bucket of sperm beside the bed.
He disregards the strange sight as he enjoys the best blowjob of his life. A second later, he shoots his load into her mouth. She takes every drop, but instead of swallowing, she spits the cum into the bucket.
The guy wonders aloud, "Don't like swallowing, huh?"
She wipes her mouth and replies, "No, another girl and I have a bet. Whoever fills up a bucket first gets to drink both buckets."
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That's all for now, see you on Thursday.
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