MUTHAFUCKA.

[First of two posts today, next one to come in the evening. STAY UP, BITCHES.]

If someone uses the word 'motherfucker' (or alternately, "muthafucka") to describe you - it tends to mean at least one of two things:

1. You just said something stupid.
2. You ARE someone stupid.

And the only way to decipher which usage is intended, is to look at the activator word (or adverb, if you're still in school. Learning rules!) - which is almost always 'this' or 'that'. For instance, if the conversation leading up to the usage of 'motherfucker' went something like this:

Them: "Kobe Bryant is the greatest player of his generation."
You: "I don't know - Allen Iverson was the first to mix street game with NBA-level skills."
Them: "THIS MUTHAFUCKA, HERE!"

[Note: You can use this conversation as a template for your own lives. For instance, you could substitute "Kobe Bryant" for "Nine Inch Nails", Allen Iverson for "Radiohead" and "mix street game with NBA-level skills" with "successfully commit commercial suicide, without the mess of having to quit making music."]

... Then they are simply specifying that not only do they not agree with your specific point, they happen to find the entire foundation of your argument ridiculous. On the positive side, they are not likely to hold your statement(s) against you for any significant period of time.

However, if your conversation sounds more like this:

You: "What are you guys up to?"
Them: "Nothing much."
You: "Want to debate the pros and cons of holding up a Tesco and stealing all the cheesy snacks?"
Them: "Did you hear what that motherfucker just said?"

... Then you are most likely considered the 'stupid' member of your group - and nobody that you consider your 'friend' really likes you at all. In fact, the only reason they still associate with you, is the same reason a pothead tries to make friends with his dealer - so as to always have a steady supply (of weed in the pothead's case, and easy jokes that are all but set-up for them in the case of your 'friends'), and in the hopes of perhaps one day receiving discount merchandise (if you so happen to work at a Gamestop or something like that).

Both Sides of the Spectrum.

Things I Know:

- If the Phillies had lost the remainder of Game 5 that was played last night, at least two hundred people would have either died or suffered serious injuries in the riot that would have followed. And that's a conservative estimate.

- "Guesstimate" is the worst word ever devised in any language. Something is either a guess, a conjecture that has no basis in fact, that makes no effort towards proof beyond the sheer force of the guesser's belief that they are right - or an estimate, an approximation made after any length of time spent studying the subject being discussed.

Very different things, those two.

- Relationships (in the romantic sense), are often misunderstood. They are not alternating rounds of effort and ease, but are instead commitments to a consistent effort towards mutual happiness... Or at least they should be. But instead, generally they fall into one of the three following categories:

A.) Two people committed to consistently working towards each others' happiness, with the payoff being more in the other person's achievement of the goal than their own.

B.) Two people equally (relatively speaking) happy simply being around each other, as when compared to being entertained by others.

C.) Two people happy enough with one another to not desire for the situation to be changed.

- Playing card games, auto racing and curling should not be considered 'sports'. Because no matter how much demonstrable skill a person brings to the table, 92% of the event is determined in the random chance between their equipment either helping or hurting their cause.

Same goes for Scrabble, because if you get nothing but D's and O's, the best you can hope for is to spell 'odd' and hope that your opponent provides you with good opportunities in their word choices. Which basically means while Scrabble may require more knowledge - even the Quiet Game requires more actual skill.

- Anyone who has a favourite sport is much more interesting for it. Anyone who says they hate all sports, is a fucking tosser.

Dave Chappelle is funny. Nick Cannon is not.

[Note: I chose those videos at random. I'm still totally fucking right.]

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Things That Confuse the Hell Out of Me:

- Why would God allow us to create the technology if we aren't allowed to use it? Why give humanity both the capacity for a growing intellect, as well as the infinite curiosity that we have?

[Yes I'm talking about abortion.]

- If the human liver has the ability to regenerate, why is it not possible to remove any portion of it that becomes cancerous, if the liver would in fact, regenerate?

- How is it that no country has ever come up with this solution for gay marriages: change all marriages to standard unions, and allow churches to select which unions they support?

- Is Joanna from Star Academy 8 a midget? By most accounts both Katy Perry and Leona Lewis are only around 170 cm (5'7"), and they both completely tower over this child. Jesus.

- Apparently you can be friends with someone for years, and know have the slightest clue as to who the fuck they are. This makes my head go numb with delirium. Serious delirium.
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Yes I milked this post out of various YouTube clips... Does that mean I'm a real blog now?

See you on Saturday.

(Actual) Technical Difficulties

Due to Blogger not apparently not agreeing with the content intended to be posted today, I submit this: Chuck Klosterman illustrating why he is more deserving of his own podcast (or show of any format) than Bill Simmons.